Doktor Frank Doe

I N T R O D U C T I O N

I hold no pertinent academic achievement whatsoever to any of the subject matter contained forthwith. Not a single course in Humanity, Sexuality or Psychology. I accidentally became an expert in this field as an active participant and avid observer. All the information contained herein is my own observations based on my personal perspectives. They’re driven by a high intellect and an over-abundance of common sense and articulated through the tangible practice of Applied Science. (Practical Application) I never set out on this journey to become any kind of relationship authority. The accumulative result is outlined in the following chapters of this human-interest study.

Throughout my life, I’ve had the exceptionally good fortune of having been attached to several extraordinary women in long term relationships. Obviously, being single as I write this, none of them worked out. As with anyone else, many were fraught with pain, misery and extreme difficulties. Fortunately, through it all, I’ve been able to learn from each of these relationships as each was an experience unique to itself. I’ve walked away without enduring traumas or hatred and with a better understanding of the importance of the varied relationship dynamics and my own assorted failures to uphold my end of the arrangements. Many of them had the patience of Jobe, I’ll admit that until the day I die and I loved them all and in many cases I miss them all and wouldn’t trade the memories or the experiences for anything. With each of them I grew as a man and as a human being. At times it took years to admit the growth and understand the lessons, but in every case, I eventually did.

At age 38 I left Southern, Arizona for the Southern California beaches to write this project. Originally entitled “Looking Right, Turning Left”, it was born from an idea to illustrate the irony of how all of us experience the exact same problems, act upon them in a similar manner, face the same dilemmas, and react to sadness and rejection in identical fashion. We only think our traumas are unique to each of us, naturally, they’re not. Our personal fallacies with the opposite sex are more times than not a simple case of consciously acting to our own worst interests. We disregard common sense and intuition and with the best of intentions we proceed headlong into something we instinctively know is going to be our next great failure. We commit ourselves to personal change or expect change in the other person to ensure a self-contrived idea of great success with this one. I’ve done this myself and still for whatever reason, occasionally act conversely to my first instinct. Over the years I’ve learned that our first gut-reaction produces the best course of action to practically any person, place or thing. It’s when we attempt to reason ourselves to a contrary conclusion that we all get in trouble. 

So, I was fast approaching 40 years of age and just like several other times in my life truly believed I had all the answers to all the questions pertaining to life with the opposite sex. Years of self-psychology and honest admission of past responsibilities had resulted in a stark realization that if I were to ever claim myself a victim of anything, it would have to be of myself, not those I’ve been involved with. Accepting personal responsibility where due just seemed a better life path. On several occasions I ignored my original intuition, convinced myself otherwise and went forth in a relationship that crashed and burned. It makes no sense to blame her for the failure knowing full well I should’ve never been involved with her in the first place. So, to me, learning from the failures and moving on made the better sense than being victimized by any of them.

LRTL was my personal retaliation to a then recently published book “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. This disaster, subtitled “Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right” is a prime example of what not to do; that being, playing sophomoric games to get and capture the attention and affections of a man. I can’t imagine this mess became a contemporary literary classic, but, the reasons it did will become crystal clear in a later chapter.

So my information as written in LRTL was/is clear, concise and based on years of experience out in the real world, not the study of statistics and theory written by some PhD that married the first vagina he ever saw, or the first man she ever tricked to the altar - as the case may be.

Simply put, chemically speaking, men and women originate thoughts from vastly different perspectives for a reason. Forget trying to understand one another because it’s the best exercise of futility you’ll ever attempt. A man and woman do not have the capacity to truly understand the other and this is all by design. When a relationship is properly balanced, these two perceptions don’t conflict, they compliment one another. The unbalanced relationship breeds a discord that results from unrealistic expectations of change; they’re counter-productive, frustrating and pointless.

Incidentally it’s not usually my intent to bash the works of others—“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray and the fore-mentioned “The Rules”--unless they’re certifiably part of the overall problem, which in this case, they are.

So, as I continued to practice really great sex through the power of my personal knowledge of the female anatomy and the resulting multiple-orgasmic bliss with as many California girls as would allow me, I eventually crossed paths with Kelly (I).

The LRTL project was coming along pretty well, a bit behind schedule, but still with an acceptable forward momentum. At the time Kelly (I) was a 39 year old radio producer, separated from her husband and out in the dating world for the first time since college. We met through a mutual friend and began our conversations through Instant Messages on America Online. She was clearly a G-Spot skeptic, had never been multiple and actually had some difficulty achieving orgasm by any other means other than her own.

Kelly (I) and I met soon after and began an Every-Wednesday affair where she would make the drive down from Orange County to my ocean-front condo in San Diego, where on the third date and 22 orgasms later she breathlessly exclaimed that she “Had to get me on the radio”.

The next thing I knew, I was billed as “DR. Frank, America’s most academically unqualified, pragmatically accurate on-air source of love, sex and relationship guidance”. My so called doctorate was of course honorary and collectively bestowed upon me by the female fans that I’d been recently intimate with. I was soon to be known as a Doctor of Opposite Sexology through Applied Science and the G-Spot Yoda; Yoda being a nickname given to me by my college-aged cousins upon their personal training and subsequent enlightenment of the real mechanical workings of the female gender. Their girlfriends were enlightened and appreciative as well.

So, there we were Kelly (I) and I co-hosting “The Dr. Frank and Kelly Show” live in the mornings from just outside Riverside California and close enough to Los Angeles to boast to anyone living outside Los Angeles that we had a show in the number two radio market in the U.S. Never mind the fact that we were broadcasting from an obscure little upper-band AM station that operated only during daylight hours because our frequency would bleed across other stations in the clear of the night. Plus, probably nobody was really listening anyway, but it was a start and in a relatively short time, an end.

As is the case with many facets of my life, the irony of the radio show experience was enough to make me consider Karmic counseling. Unbeknownst to us when we took on the radio job, the station was managed by a rabidly-religious 45 year old single heterosexual female rumored to be a virgin. Suffice it to say her ideals and principals were in daily direct conflict with mine. Then one day I was fired and it stuck. I had been threatened to be fired many times, but one day it was true and I no longer had a show. As a result of our firing, my one and only dream, seeing my likeness plastered across the advertising space of a public bus has evaporated, for the time being.
The show website went on for quite some time and enjoyed some success as I’ve remained in demand for consultations and the study itself is an ongoing process.

As the study continued, there has been a nagging problem. In all the conversations and training sessions I’ve had with men throughout the past four years, I’ve had growing frustrations at their lack of ability to learn and apply the lessons to their own lives. A piece was missing and I had no idea what it could be. I spent many sleepless nights mentally attempting to get to the heart of the problem and never could. Finally one day over happy hour drinks with a friend down in Pacific Beach, I was relaying my frustrations and as I got more tightly wrapped telling the story, I finally threw my hands in the air and claimed this group of men to be wussies. BINGO!

After a couple of more years of thought on the subject and applying various scenarios to the state of society, LRTL has literally been scrapped. My observations weren’t off-target, but after discovering the revelation of the missing puzzle piece, the whole picture changed. The problem most men who came to see me were having is a lack of control of their relationship. Some men left with the game plan and were wildly successful, probably because as men often are, they were up to that moment merely ignorant to the workings of the female. They got the message and applied it to great success. The rest of them were the weak, wussies that didn’t have the capacity to implement the game plan due to lacking control over their relationship. I saw a lot more wussies than anything else because there are a lot more wussies than anything else! So, shit, this isn’t so much a problem, it’s really an epidemic.

Once I reached the conclusion the majority of men are emasculated, I took a long hard look at my own actions and behaviors. Suddenly and without too much thought, a bell went off in my head and all the pieces of all the various related puzzles dropped into place. The clouds parted, the choir sang and the sun came shining right through. Now, I’m more pissed off than ever! Not at men for being weak, not at women for their unwitting contribution to the weakness, but at the testicular detriment of societal evolution.

So forget the cheese and crackers chicken-shit process of buying book after book and spending hours on end talking to therapist after therapist. It’s pointless to try and come to terms with the fundamental differences of that other person in your life. It’s now time to embrace and even celebrate that difference by coming to understand how we should be living our lives as we were naturally intended to. When doing so we’ll obliterate most of the unexplainable static that clogs our relationships with the opposite sex.

Nature wrote the rules; they’re inherent and deeply rooted in our DNA. They’re quite simple, instinctual and concise. Humans through evolution and perpetual analysis have ever so slowly redefined these rules. The Male/Female interaction has become a victim of special interests and personal greed. The women’s movements, an endless stream of professionals that capitalize on the human condition and the monetary demands of a materialistic society are a few of the reasons man has weakened.

This story will unfold here in the book one chapter at a time and before long, the bell will go off in your head as well. Keep in mind the solution will be simple to understand, almost too simple. We as humans mentally make concepts more difficult to understand and implement than is ever necessary. Professionals capitalize on this fact and keep matters difficult as there’s damned little profit in simplicity.

”Experts” authoring self-help books merely perpetuate lame attempts of navigating the relationship barrier. Through cute analogies and various all-encompassing impressions, they eventually land right back on the same old tired premise; “agreeing to disagree”. How many of your have heard that crock? I guarantee you’ve heard it if you’ve ever seen a counselor or therapist about relationship issues. To me, this was always a mindless, short-cut and professional wave-off to essentially guilt us into accepting a mutual defeat.

People do not “Agree to disagree” on emotional subject matter. Some people can agree to disagree on politics, others can agree to disagree on religion and almost all can agree to disagree on what they had for lunch a month ago last Thursday. Emotionally charged issues? Never! How many of you ever read a book and/or received relationship counseling that honestly changed your life? “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” essentially said nothing more than “Men and Women think and act very differently from one another”. Now there’s a revelation! The book promises to make your lives together better by understanding that each thinks and acts differently than the other; another revelation!

For years I’ve been preaching a quote I put together for the Radio Show.

“Men act upon tangible impulse which doesn’t necessarily imply an intelligent impulse. Women act upon emotional impulse which shouldn’t always be construed as a rational impulse. In other words, it’s the Middle-Ground which can never, under any circumstances be Common-Ground.”

There, I just saved you twenty bucks and the time it would take you to read a couple of hundred pages of text eventually telling you something you already know! With that statement, the only promise I’m making to you is that you’re not ever going to change this basic principal, nor will you ever truly understand it.

In the following chapters, I am going to illustrate the things you can change. The ideals are simple but implementing them may be a challenge for some. However, I’ve personally practiced all that is to follow, extensively. It’s been introduced and shared with a very broad spectrum of different people from all walks of life and carries a 100% success rate.

Now, prepare for change and with it the unalienable human right to enjoy all the passions you’re entitled as a man or woman. All you’ll have to do is dig deep down to your most inner recesses and be yourself.

                                                                                                                              -Doktor Frank Doe

                                                                                                                               Pacific Beach, California

                                                                                                                               2006